We’re three weeks into the year and into my challenge to run the 4350 miles from Gatwick to Florida and so far I have been running in ever increasing circles around our Croydon home, never more than four miles away and often within two. There have been reasons for this. When Wills is home, even though he is with his 17 year old sister, I like to be close enough to get home if they need me. I run as many of my longer runs as possible when they are at school and the longest on Sunday when Ellie is buried in her A level work and Wills is with his Dad (although the last couple of Sundays he was home which is why my circular running continued, in fact last week Ellie was out and Wills and I had a day at home together so I put the long run off to Monday). In the week, I have my sewing work to do and admin for that business and the surprising and ever expanding amount of admin this project is generating. To enable me to get my runs done and get work done too before the children get home (12 and 17 I know but they will always be my children, even the nearly 21 year old big sis when she is home). So running from the front door and back is a useful way of managing time. But a challenge should be an adventure right!? So this weekend I decided to start Sunday runs away from home when Wills is with his dad and Ellie is busy working. When I chose to move to Croydon I have to admit I did so more because it is easy to get out of Croydon than because the place itself appealed. You can get almost anywhere quickly and easily from the trains and trams from East Croydon and there is some beautiful and interesting running within an hour from home.
Today I decided to get the tram and tube to Putney Bridge and run along the Thames. I fancied running away from London through Barnes, Chiswick and Kew and wanted to do 16 miles so eight out and back. This took me to Thames Lock in Brentford which was an interesting place to see. I had to come off the path and down the High Street for a while and the contrast between this and the luxurious houses along the river in Chiswick, Barnes and Putney was striking. In Brentford, they make the houseboats you see further along the Thames. The path is run down and I felt quite alone along them. It’s strange, you hit a green, parky stretch approaching Kew and there are suddenly loads of people - more runners than I have ever seen outside an organised event, couples walking, older folk dressed in hiking kit walking in groups, families…
I used to run along the Thames when Wills and I pretty much lived in our ‘Chelsea Pad’ at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital before his first small bowel transplant in 2008. I was training for the London Marathon in 2007, running for our wonderful CHASE Hospice (now Shooting Star CHASE) who picked us up at that awful time in our lives and have been there for us ever since. Much like today, I used to do my long runs on Sunday afternoons when his dad came to be with him in the hospital. And much like today, I used to look at families with young children and wish so hard that was our life. Children on bikes with both parents walking behind them arm in arm, children on their dad’s shoulder with mum pushing a younger sibling in a buggy or pram, parents playing with children together in parks, today even playing on frozen paddling ponds. Our live with Wills was never like that. His early childhood was spent attached to drips and pumps and mainly in hospital and the pressure of it all split his dad and I very early on. I used to feel so emotional seeing what to me (and things may have been so very different in reality) such perfect, happy families. I used to imagine the home they would be going home to and the lives they led there. I have to admit, I have never stopped feeling these pangs and felt the same emotion today, as raw as ever. I still mourn for the childhood we never had with William. I still feel robbed of it. At the same time, of course, I feel blessed that we still have him when so so many of our friends have lost their precious children and of course he has two donor families who saved his life through the passing of their brave heroes. But I still wish so hard we had been able to live the lives I imagine when I see these families and I wish that I had been lucky enough to find that man, that father, who had stayed by our sides and made the best of the live we do live together. I had so much to give to that person and that life and I still do, well, I’ve had to give a dam lot more really to do everything we’ve had to do on my own. But you can’t turn the clocks back and those early days shared within a double parent family can never come back. I don’t dwell on it. It doesn’t get me down in general but, occasionally, on days like today I just get the pangs and it does make me emotional. It’s never too late though. Maybe I’ll have someone to share my grandchildren with one day…
…Anyway, there is no doubting that the mental strength I have gained through this journey with Wills is a lot more doing it on my own though and that strength will carry me a long way on my journey this year. I needed it today too. My 16 miles today took me to 89 this week, the longest I have ever done in a week by a long way and ending with a long run was mentally and physically exhausting. I enjoyed every minute though don’t get me wrong, even the pain and there was a bit today, mainly my neck and back probably as my backpack had more drink and snacks than usual and an extra layer. This is all important training though as I’ll need to carry kit on ultra marathons. And I did it!! I ran my 16 miles, all be it a bit slow and plodding towards the end. Once I had stopped, had a tuna and sweetcorn roll (a cheap and cheerful one but one of the best I had ever tasted) , protein shake (one of the best I had ever tasted) and a much needed cup of coffee (yep… one of the best I had ever tasted - I had been running for three hours from eleven so was ready for a big fill) I felt loads better and could have started again. This all bodes well for the ultras like the 100K, 100 mile and the 10 marathons in 10 days that all consist of laps and will be all about finishing than racing. I’ll be stopping and re-fuelling at these events and my training now is geared more towards increasing my mileage with that in mind than running the faster marathon I had planned for London when I entered it last year.
So I am now 205 miles down, 4150 to go. And the adventure has really begun…
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